Monday, July 31, 2006

Jekyll and Hyde

TO FEEL oneself only in loneliness, TO FEEL onself only in a small group. It's a tragedy of mankind. Sometimes I feel I'm two...or three? For God's sake it isn't hypocrisy; it is of no harm. It's just that...I can't be myself all the time. They could call me a rebel!

Crake: Never change face...having a hard time? Just step aside...

Two people are talking about "me". No one asks "is it him?" at the end. It's the most irritating thing. Half Jekyll Hafl Hyde, not in its brutal sense. Take it a metaphor.


I stepped inside a bathroom on my left foot this morning and saw this scripture on the wall. Read it and never forget the things you must remember.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

NO COMMENTS of Wonderland

Walking in the streets of Wonderland, I come to pass so many interesting things. I'm happy I have a cam with me.

I'll try to post some pix, whenever I catch'em cool!

Thursday, July 20, 2006


Wake up early. Just sit on your bed for a couple of minutes, hands on forehead. Take it easy; it's just one of those usual early morning depressions. Take a shower, have breakfast, watch VH1 or Mezzo, and comeback to your room; close the door and make sure you won't think of its behind, it could drive you crazy. Now feeling fresh, time to start your day! Yeah! Great deal of job to do! Turn on the lamp, open the book and go on. Oh hell oh yeah! Hell of a schedule!

Now let's come back to that DOOR thing. What was behind it? Something to drive you nuts? Yeah I think so, too. Whose fault is it? Yeah I know. It's no one's . What have you done? What have they done? Let me look deep into your eyes, let me touch the palm of your hand; I see a million miles of differences. I feel a million paradoxes. I see people around you, sssssso close as they call it as well as you yourself. I feel their perception of you which is not a fraction of what you really are. And it bothers you, doesn't it? I see them loving you, I see them caring, I feel them living just for you as well as you yourself. I feel them absolutely ignorant of you. How's it possible? I know you think about it day and night. I see you musing on it in your moments of distraction; gazing at a point. I feel you worried, contemplating what all these paradoxes, misconceptions and differences could lead to someday. A very day that something will turn around, and that very thing that must turn up. But I see you strong, me stronger and us the strongest.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Grotesque Fantasies ; "Yeesh"

Zap wakes up with eyes SHUT. He wants to open them but he can't. He tries another time but the effort is interrupted with a lethal back pain. He can't open his eyes as if the eyelids have been stitched. Another effort; in vain. He stops trying. The pain strikes again .

Zap tries to get up and touch his back, but he can't. Actually he can but the problem is he isn't on his bed. One feels horizontal on a bed, but he doesn't. How's it possible ? One of those usual sleep walks?

Vertical agitated Zap tries again to open his eyes but he can't. He decides to walk and it's when he finds nothing under his feet but a deadly creak above his head, and another breathtaking strike of pain. Not on his bed, not on the ground; what's this painful creaky kind of sound? Suddenly he sets out an unstoppable pathetic scream; he's hung and that's the reason for the cry.

At least now, Zap knows the cause of pain. He must have been hooked right in the back. He knows his physical state, and yet absolutely no idea. The goddamn pain strikes again. He ceases all efforts and cries; static and motionless. He knows how another single move could worsen the pain.

Eyes shut, hung from back, Zap starts snifing. It could give him a clue but he stops and howls like a dog. He tries his best not to smell again but he can't, so another nasty howl; that's the most disgusting cocktail of stink he's ever sniffed.

As motionless as a corpse in a graveyard, Zap listens and shivers as the gothic melody of silence plays. Goddamn it, the very shivering is worsening the pain. A short roar from top distracts him and suddenly his loose dangled body starts to swing. Backward, forward, backward, forward and again and again; each swing faster than the previous. He bursts into cry from the lethal pain, yells God as it goes faster. He feels scalding evl tears behind his stichted eyelids, feels the hook going further and further into his back, feels hot blood running down his waist...and faints.

Zap wakes up with eyes shut. It takes him a couple of minutes to remember what happened. There's no energy left to struggle or to shout, to hawl or even to think. He's no longer hung; He must've fallen off the hook down on something. He faints.

Zap wakes up with eyes shut. He must have been sleeping for hours. He has lost much blood and feels puss all over the degenerating wound. He no longer feels the pain. He must have been numbed.

Eyes shut; on the floor, Zap can't stop inhaling the stinky air. He wishes he could. With these blind eyes he can't undrestand where he is, let alone finding a way out. He moves his hands toward his eyes to touch them, but the very movement of arms and shoulder startle him; the gash in his back- He doesn't care, the hook is gone at least. He can make it. With a great effort he puts his fingers on both eyes and a dismal happines pervades him. He can see small red patches from behind the eyelids; at least there's a glimmering of hope of not being blind's light in here!

Eyes shut, on the floor. Zap's got to find a way to open his eyes. A slight effort in vain. He touches them again and again. It's no stich, seems to be...some sort of glue? Something dried, sere. He fumbles the floor for Its mere thought horrifies him.

Eyes shut, on the floor. Zap starts hearing things. Someone is walking slowly and steadily towards him; footstep jingle footstep jingle and again and again. The sound is becoming louder and louder by every coming step. Closer and closer till the footsteps stop and all he hears is mere jingling. Frozen by terror he feels somebody's existance standing right beside him, surely not going to help him out.

It's all silence save the terrifying jingle sound. Suddenly Zap shudders as some cold sort of metal thing is being rubbed on his belly. The monster guy up there has some jingling metal thing in his hand which could be nothing but a chain. The guy is rubbing the dangled rings up towards Zap's face and the poor miserable off-hooked blind victim is dead silent, trembling in every limb. The chain is right on his mouth and a ring of it hits his nostrils. The anonymous guy lowers his hand as the cold rings of the chain pile over Zap's mouth. Trembling Zap can feel the hefty round pieces of cold metal on his teeth. He's so scared that he can't help keeping his mouth shut while he's teeth are so tight as if his jaws are locked. Indeed they are.

Eyes shut, the pile of cold metal rings of chain on his teeth, Zap suddenly feels two scalding drops on his two closed eyes. In a flash his eyes are wide OPEN; light penetrates them; a dim outline of a man with a long chain in one hand and a bottle in the other. The scene is more frightening than the blind impression of a hook in the back and it becomes even more when the weird sicko guy lifts the chain up and blows it grisly down on Zap's face; just three seconds and the regained vision is lost. All is black, painful, shattered pieces of teeth down his throat. Zap desperately coughs, yells, screams....and wakes up .

Monday, July 17, 2006

The Kiss

'I saw you take his kiss!' 'Tis true.'
'O, modesty!' ' 'Twas strictly kept:
He thought me asleep; at least I knew
He thought I thought he thought I slept.'

Coventry Patmore

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Adios Zizou

I'll be feeling kinda blue no seeing the white No.5 , the blue No.10 , the bald genius anymore .

No matter what he did , no matter why , no matter whether he won the World Cup for the second time , Zizou was a phenomenon I saw in my life . No one will possibly do in the next 100 years and that's what makes me proud ! Yeah ! I saw Zizou in my time . People will say that , and I'll be remembered .... " HE SAW ZIZOU IN HIS TIME !!! "

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

literary linx !

Listen to T.S Eliot's very own voice . He's reading his "The love song of J.Alfred Prufrock"

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight . Adorable picture !

King Arthur and Guinevere !


Pffuu ! Ma brain's gon explode ! Somebody help !

Studying so hard keeps one away from many habitual routines ( blogging ! ) . It's happened to me now and I'm kinda loving it !

The way I've chosen is kinda weird . The more I study the more I realize its risk the more I indulge the more I fall in love and the more I keep up the more I regret why I didn't start months ago ; a bunch of material that I should have studied then . Though It helps me a great deal to forget the shitty things around . The risk is worth taking . Yeah !

Well , It's just been a few days . There's a yet a long way to go . I gotta keep strong ! :D

Thursday, July 06, 2006

'Ello Summah !

My third year at college has just ended ,and it has given me contradictory feelings . On one hand I see a much better soul inside me , on the other, I feel disgusted of being a college students here . Being in a so-called top university,I look around and see the sickest educational system and the dumbest scholars and professors , even those I coud never expect them to be .

Well , there's nothing to do about it . Now I could call myself a senior and after two great consecutive summers I'm targeting a better third . I made a decision and now it's time for action . It's gonna be a big risk , I know ; but there will be no regret . I could be on the way to my ideal would-be in two years time . I've started well , let's see how it goes ...

Dr. Faustus

Dr. Faustus surrendered to Devil . He Indulged himself in the Seven Deadly Sins for twenty four years . And now it is time to travel to Hell . Too late for repentance !

And now , poor soul , must thy good angel leave thee ;
The jaws of Hell are open to recieve thee .


Our good-hearted people who are always ready to sacrifice their souls and lives for their faiths haven't yet got the undrestanding to "STOP by the RED LIGHT and MOVE by the GREEN" .

Things happen over and over again everyday , but each day I say come on man ; there're always bad guys around . But this morning I was behind the red light when I saw a big bus crossing the light . A yellow taxi after that . It was about to hit my wheel !

This is just one of the MILLION trivial incidents that happen around us in different levels of society everyday and yet some can't realize this dreadful plunge into the abyss of chaos . From a top University to the humblest surface . Mr(s). Citizen crosses the stop sign and Mr(s). Scholar, the boundary of stupidity .

I'm sure that Mr. Bus Driver could deliver a long lecture on 2500 years of ever-dazzling civilization and then declares that Islam ruined everything when it entered our paradise . He remembers to add the fact that America managed to prevent Shah from rebuiling the paradise and regrets that they have brought the clergies . Finally he swears at the current President and longs for the previous . The audience bring lumps to their throats and applaud heartily at the end .

Passivity , ignorance , corruption , savagery ... Who's to pay ? Who's to suffer ? Youknow what I mean ?

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Burn ...

Lovely couple , aint they ? They're so pure and natural . She sings her innate poetry and he plays from the bottom of his heart .

Who could imagine ?! Richie will never Burn a Fender Strat again ...


What is this curse really ?! It seems the Socrodite , the deity of soccer , never has mercy on me !

Being a passionate football fan for all my life , I've never felt like winning a trophy like in this World Cup . But I forget things easily ; Star-crossed England have got the worst luck ever . Pfooh ! Just look at those lucky Germans , Blessed Italians ....

And youknow what ? That's what makes the beautiful game so exciting . That's all 'bout the big passion ; I'm proud of being a goddamn soccer fanatic !